Munna-Bayya CSA

Munna is 7 years old and all his seven years are spent in the slums of Mumbai. Yes, life has been harsh & ruthless to him, but never ever had he felt it to be unsafe. With his entire family around, especially his 17 yr old Bayya, he never thought the world could be unsafe. Yes, it felt safe until that Friday. Until that "incident" happened. In the past, more than once, Bayya had asked Munna to do "things" which Munna never understood completely - but he completely trusted Bayya and just did. Yes, until the "incident" happened. Munna was shattered. He was horrified. Though he doesn't understand everything even today, Munna realized Bayya's intentions weren't right after the incident. He had started feeling dirty himself and shameful for all the things he had done for his Bayya. For a week, Munna couldn't sleep properly. At nights, he has been getting jitters and nightmares of demons stripping him and asking him to do things he had never imagined.

The incidents of "Munna"s are not very uncommon, as per the National Study of Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) 2007 which claims that more than 53% of children in India report facing some form of sexual abuse. Yes, I can hear you "I can't believe it. It is shocking". Yes, it IS.

Many felt the extensive coverage of Mumbai's Mira Road incest case is just typical of media - overrated & sensational. I beg to differ. If media gets a little bit more intelligent, it can create a much wider awareness of the bigger social issue - Child Sexual Abuse. Most people are not even aware of what it's, how intense the problem is and how can it be handled.

As a first step, openly talking about it and spreading the awareness is of paramount importance.

Hmm.. I can sense how majority of the Indians would easily ignore the issue citing (a) it's too bad to talk about anything with the word "sex" in family or in public (b) it's too sensitive a topic to handle for them / kid (c) "I'm insensitive because it hasn't affected me, nor am I expecting it to affect my family in future."

It's like how people opposed Sex education in school, citing it's inappropriate in a country with its rich tradition, culture and values - but you know what - we are the third most populous country, when it comes to AIDS

Let's wake up hypocrites! Yes, 53% is an alarming number for a country which boasts itself of having revered family values.

Most of the information that follow are courtesy Arpan, an NGO working out of Mumbai on CSA.

Why should we bother about CSA?

• CSA happens more often than we think - yes, 53% facing some form of abuse. Unfortunately, half of the offenders are trusted personalities of the child like family, friends, relatives & neighbours
  
• It affects the child at physical (illness), mental (trauma), emotional (shame, depression), social (withdrawl, overtly sexualized behaviour) - at no fault of their own
  
• Most importantly, victims often become future offenders - Study says 50% - if not checked properly, it could grow like a virus!

Check out the arpan website on how to help the child be aware of and prevent the issue. It's not just to help kids, but also for the adults to become aware.

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@Regular

Currently engaged on the novel "The Namesake" - The story of a Bengal family in the USA.

The Movie "Watchmen" - Quite liked the special effects, story line (except the climax) and the music - Just that the movie could have been easily split into 2 or 3 parts. The other movie "Broken English" was a ok-ish - Expecting "Enlighten" to screen much better movies in future.

Nature is calling!

@Random

The novel Kite Runner made me remember my childhood days. Oh, no.. I'm NOT going to list down what all crazy things I did as a kid - Rather relate 'one' childhood habit, we are all aware of, to how different professionals could probably do today.

Disclaimer: Just a pure imagination! Laugh it out and ignore - Any resemblance to reality is purely coincidental.

In many instances, kids ask for loo, not because they want to, but because they are sick and bored of the class - They just want to go out, roam a bit and have some fresh breeze. The process by which you go about asking your teacher for loo depends on the class, school, the mood of the teacher and the timing. For e.g. it's highly unlikely that the teacher allows you, if you ask him when he's in a bad mood or when you ask close to the interval. Most importantly, you should have earned the trust of the teacher that you are genuine - You can prove the same by one of these (a) study well in the class or be the teacher's favorite (b) ask for loo less frequently (c) last but not the least, you should have pissed in the class room in the past - this is probably the best way to put real threat to the teacher - The moment the teacher sees you asking for loo, he says "please go ahead.. you don't need to ask.. just please go".

The process of asking gets more sophisticated as you move up in class as well - In class 1 or 2, you raise your hand showing 1 or 2 fingers. By high school, you write your need in a paper with details such as name, purpose, time level of urgency etc. Ok, don't get nostalgic about your pissing days.. let's come back to the blog..

Just an imagination on how the following set of professionals would go about on the issue of Loo with the superiors (or managers or clients or customers)..

1. A Software Guy X: To his colleague Y, "Man, this manager is sucking big time.. He doesn't even let me take a break for loo or sutta.. He goes 20 times everyday in the name of networking or 1:1.. But when it comes to me, he says I should work more efficiently by avoiding breaks.. Now I found an idea.. an idea that can change my life.. I will tell him that innovations happen in rest rooms and that I got my best ideas when I'm pissing." Y replies - "Seems like an idea, let me know if it works".. 1 week later, X's tables and computers are being shifted.. X's manager smiling to his glory and telling to Y, "You know what! X is getting a special desk, a place where his brain works the best.. where he becomes very innovative.."
2. A Marketing Professional: To public, through his ad: Mom says to her kid "Aaj Loo-na bandh" - Kid is very upset.. goes to upstairs and pisses on neighbours flower pots.. comes back and sits quietly on his chair.. Mom looking at his gloomy mood says "Ok, drink the milk.. go & loo". Kid smiles and says "Neighbour ka phone aayaa thaanaa.." It finishes with "Vishwas karo, Pandiware bathroom fittings! Never ever your kid has to loo on neighbors' plants"
3. An Investment Banker X: To his VP Y, "Mr. Y, Do you think we should really go and suggest the client to buy Sulabh & Co? The client is already in deep sh**. Buying that Looing company on top of it will kill the company". VP with his sarcastic smile, "Who cares about that man? Market is heavily undervaluing Sulabh & Co. They should definitely consider acquiring. We should pitch as if it's a high value add for them. We can say them if required, we will do a loo show in the road, and help the founders raise money"
4. A Consultant: To the client, "You need to build a chain of restrooms throughout the country - Not only does it give you an unparalleled competitive advantage, but also helps to backward integrate your operations in a cost efficient way. In addition, your sales people would be all the more happy to use them from all strategic locations - It gives them the extra edge which your competitors lack currently. Our preliminary evaluations reveal that your top-line will grow by 52% and bottom-line (no pun intended) by a whooping 133%. In the past, we have worked with many such clients and have developed a proprietary framework - We suggest you hire us - We will visit all the locations spread across multiple geographies, verify whether it's worth investing by actually looing"
5. A Politician: To the speaker in the assembly, "Loo-ing is my birthright. How can you just let only people from XYZ party piss and bar us from doing so? Till our last breath, we will fight for our birth-right. And members of XYZ are making it an unnecessary political issue - that we are not delivering our duty. Let me assure you, Mr. Speaker - for every 5 mins I spent on Loo, I worked for 10 mins extra in the office. We do a great service to the country by frequenting to loo. Our party have a great tradition and ideology on looing. If anyone comes and says we shouldn't loo, I will cut his.. hand"
6. The Super Star Rajni: Everyone is surprised that Superstar never asks for loo. They ask for his secret. He says in his own style "Naan eppo poven, enga poven-nnu yaarukkum theriyaathu.. aanaa, poga vendiya nerathula kandippaa poven" ("When I go, Where I go, nobody knows! But when I have to go, I will go!") He finishes it with, "Aandavan solraan, Arunachalam mudikkuraan" ("God proposes, Me disposes"). While this dialogue was going on, some random fellow rings the bell in the near by temple - Oops, superstar says "Sollittaan" ("He said so") and starts pissing in the same place where was he was standing.

@Regular

Jokes apart, "Kite Runner" was an amazing read. It took me to the country which the world today is associating with Terrorism. It gives a glimpse of how the terrorism and wars have affected common people.. I would highly recommend it for anyone.

Two Nasiruddin Shah movies this week - Firaaq and Barah aana - While the former is very serious as it takes the sensitive topic of common people behavior in Gujrat post the 2002 communal rites (the directorial debut of Nandita Das), the latter is about the life of 3 people in the bottom of the pyramid: how they hate their menial jobs & are being exploited by their bosses and how they end up doing what they have never imagined in their life - A bit funny but makes you realize the hard realities of life of poor people. Both are good short movies without item numbers of random females or heroes dancing with his chest open for public view. Watch them, if you have a flavor for them.

Visited Elephanta Islands after being in Mumbai for 9 months. Amazing place. It's a 1 hr 15 mins of boat ride from Gateway of India. You can spend a couple of hours in the island - Apart from the awesome caves and carvings, you get to see nice Indian handicrafts made of marbles, stones, silk, wood etc. If you ever visit to Mumbai, don't miss this.

What drives you?

@Random

Happiness. Food. Love. Status. Power. Money. Sex. Fun. Contribution. Success. Recognition. Peace. Rest.

This is fairly the list most people would come up, when they are asked 'What single thing that drives you to do what you do?' Each of these would have varying levels of driving power with few of them being the 'ends' with others the 'means'. Yes, the prioritized list "depends" on the person.

Hmm.. so what?

Because, knowing the answer helps in 2 ways:

1. Know thyself better - aids to choose the right profession (leisure activity or for that matter, 'anything' that one wants to do in life) and do it an effective and efficient way (Yes, MBA with consulting career corrupts one's mind to use cliched jargons like these! ;))
   
2. Know a bit of others, so that you can suitably motivate them!

So, let's continue with our analysis...

I think these forces can be mapped to 3 different human emotions. First is fear - that of punishment, non-acceptance, death, deficit, hazards, injury, security etc. The motivational tool associated with fear is 'stick'. Second is desire (and its stronger cousin greed) - that for luxury, wealth, beauty, power, acceptance etc. The motivational kit that works with this emotion is 'carrot'. The last one is passion. This is probably more self-driven than the other two. Can also be summarized as getting motivated externally vis-à-vis inspired internally.

This is how, you and me, the non-psychology students would think and come up with an unstructured analysis. Never mind - The infamous "Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs" is a well accepted, structured, exhaustive and most authoritative analysis on human motivation. Seems like all of us climb up the pyramid till we reach Self-Actualization!

Courtesy: Wikipedia
(Click the figure to read the text)

Not bad.. our 3 emotion analysis fits as well - Fear: Levels 1-3, Desire: Levels 2-4, Passion: Levels 4-5. So, to reach higher levels, you need to move from fear to desire to passion as the motivational tool.

Oh, yeah.. like any other tool, these can be used in both ways - constructively or destructively, as life keeps the options always open for us. As human beings, we should exercise our mind to think and choose the 'right' path.

@Regular

Gulaal was the movie. (Gulaal - in Hindi means the red power used during Holi). The movie takes you to the world of modern day Rajputs. True to its caption 'Love, Power and Revolution', it had all the elements but in a distorted manner. Director Anurag Kashyap's yet another non-conventional movie. Almost everyone in the movie is imperfect, selfish, and tries to accomplish his / her own agenda - Be it the manly Kay Kay Menon or the lady Kiran who goes to any lengths to attain the power or the innocent Dilip who brings the twist in the end - every character is well etched. Except may be the drug addict cum lady lecturer, who apart from giving philosophical dialogues to Dilip (e.g. "you loved her so much that you didn't see her") doesn't fit well into the story. It's a serious movie (except may be in a couple of place with dialogues like "Mere paas maa hai"). Definitely, a different experience watching the movie. I would say do not give it a miss.

Off late, I lost hope in motivational / self-help books. In many cases, they are cliched, very biased, impractical, too-obvious, repetitive and inaccurate. My belief just got reinforced with the last book I read. I was deceived by the categorization of "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" as "Business" both by Warner books and my librarian, in addition to the book-selves of my B-school friends. The author himself agrees that he is a terrible writer, but he clarifies one needs to be a good seller - like how his books are selling like hot chocolate cake. I'm not saying the book is 100% bakwaas - There are few sensible things like:

• Learn to use your emotions to think, not think with your emotions
• Don't work for money, let it work for you. Work to Learn
• With each push, life is saying "Wake up, there is something I want you to learn"
  

But it could been said in far few pages than 260. Hmm.. seems true - "Quality of the product is less important than how much you understand your customers and how well you sell it"

The Donkey and the Monkey

@Random

Approximately 35,000 feet from ground level. Somewhere in between Bangalore and Delhi. The air-hostess and the woman sitting next to us gave a weird look. Yes, some brainless card game! After an hour of playing, we did some random discussion on Physics and my friend A managed to help me recollect some of the interesting concepts. One such thing is:

P*V / T = constant

Don't worry - this is not a post on physics - There are people who can do much better job.

I thought I would relate this "Pressure" in human context. Human beings are exposed to pressure day in and day out - Kids from their cruel parents for performing better in exams; a husband getting bidirectional pressure from Saas and Bahu; an employee from his evil manager; a guy from his finicky GF to behave properly; a girl on the social pressure of looking good.. Hmmm.. infinite pressures!

Pressure could be deadly for people - it could fundamentally change the way a person behaves. You would wonder is it the same person pre and post-pressure! People could become snappy, agitated, angry, worried... But Dilbert's manager would say People should Profit from Pressure, it Pushes one to Peak Performance (man, enough of P**s!! Let's keep aside that argument for a later Post!)

Ok, if Physics 'Pressure' is to Human Pressure, what about V & T in the equation? I think the Volume can be equated to mental calmness, the Temperature to anger. I believe the law would still hold good. When you increase pressure, the person loses his volume (calmness) at a certain level of anger; or if the calmness has to be retained at the same level, the temperature (i.e. anger level) goes up.

So, when pressure is applied, is it a choice between losing your calmness vis-à-vis showing it as anger? IMHO, not really! The key is in realizing the age old principle of You can take a horse to the water, but you can't make him drink. Yes, we need to play the role of the horse which deliberately denies to drink - Be ready to not take pressure altogether - Like rejecting offers from taxi-walas, when you exit the railway station!

Next time, when the pressure is exerted, remember the horse! I think one should remember a Donkey, which seems much more relaxed! Just Chill and things will be better than when you take pressure!

Ok, this approach may not work for people who are used to relish pressure and rely heavily on it to perform (hmm.. yes, deadlines in colleges!) If pressure works positively, play on! You can probably remember Monkey - which gets more excited, jumps around when there is pressure! It becomes ultra productive!

I guess it's much better to be a Donkey or a Monkey than being a usual human being in case of pressure. ;)

So, who are you? A Donkey or a Monkey?

@Regular

Last week had an amazing trip to Dehradun and Mussouri. Friend M's marriage went on fine and the trip was awesome thanks to the wonderful gang.



This weekend is again gonna be some more trip.. to deep south.. Movies and Books update next week!