Force called 'Fear'

Utter Darkness. Bottomless Pit. Sky-high hill. Ultra-speed wind. Abyssal Ocean. Mysterious Sound. Poisonous Snake. Hungry Tiger. Angry Elephant. Man-eating Shark. Black Cat. Giving a Speech. Final Exam. Important Interview. Ghost. Skeleton. Blood. Death. List goes on! For human beings, the entity that unifies the list is "Fear" and its related cousins viz phobia, panic, scare, terror, guilt, paranoia, nightmares, anxiety & worry etc.

The list is understandable. But I was baffled by my friends' fear for getting into 3-ft H2O, jumping from 4 ft height, riding on 100cc bike at 60 kmph, climbing on a small rock, talking to a Prof & walking in darkness. "WTH", I thought. But my friend gave a profound statement - It's quite natural; everyone has his/her own customized list of fears and no fear is inferior or superior. Yes, it made sense and I tried to enumerate my list - Oops, quite a long one! (Let me not list them here to make you realize how stupid my fears could be!)

Three questions kept lingering in my mind: (1) What exactly is fear? (2) Can one be fearless? Rather, should one be fearless? (3) How to avoid unnecessary fear? Being an expert neither in Psychology nor in Physiology, I can't give a comprehensive scientifically-proven answer. Neverthless, I will make an attempt, since people keep saying "Don't fear" [Nice tamil quotes like - 'Anjathey', 'Accham Thavir', 'Accham illai, accham illai, accham enba-thillaieh; Uchi meethu vaan idinthu veezh-gindra pothilum accham illai', 'Accham enbathu madamaiyadaa, anjaamai dravidar udamaiadaa']

I would explore Fear in 2 different ways. First: fear spans past, present and future. Foundation of fear is PAST - We start developing fear out of our personal experience or what others tell us. That way, our society, upbringing, parents and friends play a major role in what we fear for. When your father keeps saying "Never climb rocks. You will slip down", you inherently develop a fear for rocks & heights. (Side Note: In Tamil movie "Thenali", the hero Kamal Hasaan has countless phobias thanks to his bad childhood experience) Going by this logic, fear is not completely natural to human beings. Fear is an experiential emotion in PRESENT - there are lots of physical & psychological changes that happen when we fear. Fear is associated with uncertainty about FUTURE. When there is certainty, there isn't any fear - A person sentenced to death knowing the exact date, time, place and the procedure of dying won't fear for death as much as a normal person. Second: Major stems of fear - (a) Fear of Death / physical discomfort (b) Fear of Rejection / Failure (c) Fear of losing one's respect / ego / identity (d) Fear of losing an external entity (e.g. loved ones, money, motor bike)

Like many others, fear is a double-edged sword. Being fearless is great, but it's stupidity to believe we shouldn't fear for everything. In one sense, fear stifles our improvement, fends off taking bold decisions, avoids changes & exploring new paths, obstructs stretching oneself. It eats away our productive time, brings in stress & tension, makes us poor-performers (esp. because of stress & tension). At times, it makes us behave unnaturally. On the other hand, fear drives away our laziness, makes us careful creatures & good future planners.

So, the key is to differentiate necessary & unnecessary fears. Fear of punishment (e.g. murder, robbery, copying in exams etc.) goes to "necessary" bucket i.e. always fear to do wrong. Clear "unnecessary" categories: things on which we don't have any control (e.g. earth would be hit by a meteor, germs in your just-cleaned hand etc); hiding our true personality (e.g. fear that someone will stamp us ignorant) - i.e. no need to fear for being natural & ourself; unproven & non-experiential stories (e.g. darkness, ghosts etc). [Just reminded of this: the phrase "God fearing" is an excellent selling point for Grooms in matrimonial advertisements. My belief: "fearing God" goes to the "unnecessary" category. Unless you experience , don't fear, instead pray Him out of Love, if you believe in God. Once you experience, it's your choice!] The problematic area is the gray section - E.g. Fear of exam is both good (makes you study at least 1 day before the exam) and bad (tension leading to poor performance!), Fear of death - Good (insurance for your dependents) & bad (Never makes one enjoy the exciting white water rafting, mountain climbing). In such cases, try to answer whether the fear helps or hinders the improvement / experience / enjoyment of self & others. To summarize, the litmus test to differentiate the fears - (a) Punishable? (b) Not controllable? (c) Being yourself? (d) Unproven & Not experienced? (e) Helps or Hinders?

Half the job is done with the differentiation. Nevertheless, the 2nd half is not that easy. Fear might emerge from our subconscious mind and hence simply telling ourself "don't fear! don't fear!!" at the surface level may not help. Head-on fight with the fear or denying the reality might not help. First, we need to be aware that we fear, observe the sensations because of fear. Few ways to tackle the fear: (a) From the PAST angle - awareness that fear is unnatural & is shaped by just our experience and that there are many other people who don't fear them; don't believe everything that we hear, read and see (b) From PRESENT - Engage in some activity that we like; Pass on the fear to someone else - God / Guru / Our loved ones / Our Higher self, if we believe any of them (c) From FUTURE view point - Big picture view - will my fear help in anyway to serve a higher purpose; Awareness that the uncertainty can't be ruled out because of our fear & that we can't take control of everything; Realize that it's just uncertainty, outcome is not yet known, one can worry if the outcome turns out to be negative instead of worrying about it even before it has happened. Another way is to understand the stem of fear and tackle it: (a) Death - everyone will die one day (b) Failure / Rejection - What's life without ups and downs - Trying & failing is a lot better (c) Ego - Better to be a known devil than an unknown god (d) Losing external entity - one doesn't even have complete control on oneself; Nothing is permanent in this world.

Yeah, similar to many of my earlier posts, all these methodologies seem simpler on paper, but it needs lots of effort and prudence to be fearless than being driven by the Force called Fear.