The game of understanding

PS: Post comes a little earlier than usual thanks to my travel plans for the weekend. Don't want to miss another deadline this week. :)

@Random

Mastering human psychology is all about being non-judgmental, declared my friend S (who happened to be a psychology student as well!). Seemed a bit counter-intuitive to me! I thought it is all about understanding oneself and others - given that psychology is not a 0 or 1 logic, also implies some sort of judgment. But when I thought more about it, the "non-judgmental" part made some sense.

Majority of our world revolves around our judgments, perceptions, view points etc. It's like viewing the world with a coloured glass - you are really not sure whether what you see is what it's. As the story goes, we are like a fish or a frog that thinks that the world can't be bigger than its pond.

But people are so self-conceited that they believe that they understand things, especially "they understand other people". The problem arises, not just because of not understanding, but also because of misunderstanding. So, "non-judgmental", I think, just suggests us to be open, not jump to conclusions (way too early) and at times be ready to say "i don't know", "I don't understand".

Ok, exploring further on the game of understanding others.. As I noted earlier, I believe we are wearing some glasses almost always invariably to constantly, continuously, consistently and at times inconsistently create interpretations, meanings and views.. We start identifying ourselves with the spherical balloon that we have blown through the air called perceptions.. Different people have different balloons around them and there are infinite balloons floating around in this infinite world. People understand other people when the worlds have some overlapping area.

There are 2 view points on understanding people: One view point is that human beings are very predictable and hence can be easily understood. Another view point is that it's really complex for 2 reasons: first, the understand-ee / human-being is really complex; second, Understand-er, as I said earlier, is incapable / reluctant to understand others. To explore this further, I just tried doing a front of the envelop estimate on what percentage of people understand others.
(Click the picture to enlarge)

If you can read the text from the above figure and if you think the assumptions don't have Himalayan errors, we can arrive at a figure of 5.4% of people correctly understanding others. Just 1/20th of the population understands other people correctly!

I believe the keys to understanding people are (a) being aware that you are unaware of entities called 'others' (b) making a conscious decision that you want to be considerate of others (c) be willing to say "I don't know yet"

Just to clarify: non-judgmental may not mean not making judgments at altogether - after all, we can't live without judgments / perceptions. But just being aware of our faulty judgmental system. Esp. when it comes to understanding people!

@Regular

Would be traveling to 2 of my favorite S.Indian cities, in addition to Delhi for few friends' marriage. Just started off with the first chapter of "The Elephant, The Tiger, The Cellphone" - Reflections on India in the 21st century by Shashir Tharoor.

Will update this section in detail next week.

Value based decision making

@Random

Business, as they say, is all about 'Value' creation by fulfilling some needs. In doing so, the major issue, organizations come up with is 'Decision Making' (DM) - Given the limited resources, they keep asking 'What to do?', 'How to do?'. As Porter said, business strategy is all about making choices. However, it's one of the most difficult things to do, given the grays, maroons and violets,  the context of DM spans across.  Something that helps companies make quicker and probably what they call 'right' decision is having prioritized "core values". One example recently I read was from Johnson & Johnson. How its then CEO, James Burke, made a decision, which literally make the busting company come back, post the Tylenol cyanide episode. The company had the prioritized values as: customers, employees and shareholders in that order which simplified the otherwise humongous & complex decision making process.

Decision Making in personal life is as complex, if not less, as of that of business - time & energy consuming, its grayness. So, will having prioritized set of personal values help one make quicker and righter decisions? I felt the answer should be "yes". Yes, values may not be a cure-for-all for all the DM problems in life, but could definitely help in reducing its complexities. History tells the same: People with strong values make tougher decisions and achieve otherwise difficult to achieve things - Gandhi (Non-violence), Harichandra (Truth), Karna (Generosity). If you think these are too old to be practical: Mohammad Yunus (Economic development for poor), Kalam (Technology dev for 3rd world country), Dhoni (Always Team First). Yes, there will be millions of examples.

Few additional things that I felt about values:

• There needs to be a strong association with the values. We need to live by it
  
• Not that all the values have to be fixed through out our life. As we mature, values can get moulded. But some of the most important and core values have to be static
  
• Values are not just meant for accomplishing big things in life. It helps even making day-to-day decisions simpler. E.g. Meeting a good old friend Vs GF, or working Friday late hours Vs taking your kids for a movie
  

Ok, fair enough. Agreed that we need to have values. It's not just the realization which is difficult - it's actually coming up with the real personal values. Yeah, absolutely. There is no systematic process to find it out than to do a relaxed but determined self-inquiry.

May be on a relaxed weekend, go to a desolate island, a beautiful beach, a lush garden, a lovely park, a country side travel, or simply your own balcony.. Sit with a freshly brewed coffee or a refreshing Darjeeling tea and set your mind on what particular virtues made you completely being yourself, at the same time, everyone (including you) felt happy and proud about you.. Balance between past (how we were) and future (how we want to be).. It might give us a glimpse of our values..

The third and probably the most difficult part is "living" one's own values. Environment may not be positive, situation may not be conducive, we still need to live it.  The more the struggle we go through, the stronger will be the association between us and our values. The stronger the association gets, the struggle becomes lesser. Not to mention, the reduced complexity of decision making! :)

[After thought] Added after a day:

Ok, I wrote only the positive side of the story of having values. Yes, values could lead to conflicts, which in turn could be destructive. Countless examples in the history. So, it's not just important to have values for oneself, but rather respect others' values as well.  In fact, it should be our first value to have non-destructive, positive values, giving enough value to others' values. :)

 

@Regular

Travelled to Hyderabad for D's marriage - Visited Hyd after quite some years. Felt the city refreshing and probably much more developed. Got to meet good old friends.  Good weekend trip!

As I writing this blog, Slumdog millionaire got 8 records and our fav. ARR got 2 Oscars as well. Was touched by his humbleness when he thanked his mom and God (yes, in Senthamizh!). Some connection with the book I started - Shantaram - A long time pending one. But this biggie needs quite some free time to finish off.

I should definitely write about this philosophical tamil song "Pitchai Paathiram" from Naan Kadavul by Ilayaraaja. It kept me hooked to it last week. Deeply meaningful, probably asks why there is much ado about life, its struggle, its constant materialistic search and the constant "me me me"? Even your body is not our creation - the lyricist (Ilayaraja) says we are all beggars and our body the plate we carry.

Doing away with Dualities

@Random

Life is just beautiful. Look at the smiling baby, budding rose, sun rise, lush forest, beautiful peacock, cute parrot, playful puppy, tantalising aroma of food, impressive Taj, amazing Aish, handsome Hrithik.. there is beauty everywhere.. there is joy everywhere. there there are friendship, love, parents, work etc.. so many things to cheer about.. You just need to be positive and be happy always. This is one way of living.

It was one of the empty Mumbai locals. The time was fast approaching midnight. A guy with a long stick enters the compartment. Yes, he was blind but wasn't a beggar - started shouting at his peak for selling buds and plastic covers for 5 bucks. You get down the train and walk home - you see the slew of people sleeping on the sides of the road (including kids less than 2 yrs). Then there was this old man trying to sell channa for as low as 2 rupees. Then the dog with 3 legs struggling to move ahead. The next day morning. It was the near by kirana store. You see this really small kid (with dirty torn cloths and running nose) begging desperately to the store visitors - The store-wala is shooing away the kid. You can't resist but getting a biscuit pack for the poor little one. Then, the crowded train - people just struggling every day to earn their living. Then, the road-side hawkers who are sweating and shouting the whole day for tens of rupees. "Come on, stop it", I can hear you shouting. It's the reality of life. Most human beings are not happy. Life, inherently is sad, painful, sickening and depressing. This is another way of living.

Which one of the above is probably the right way to live - Be happy & unaware of things around OR get muddled with sad aspects of life? Yeah, there is no simple answer to this. And it's not that these are discrete states for different set of people. Just that each person will have one state dominating over the other.

I thought more about it. Happiness/Sadness, Peace/Revolt, Surplus/Deficit, Powerful/Weak, Beautiful/Ugly, Superior/Inferior, Positive/Negative. Let's call these dualities. Probably, life is not about dualities. We would never feel complete in one of these dualities. The feeling of neutrality and equanimity but with a strong sense for action and a clarity of thought is what we should constantly strive for. And I believe it would help in the betterment of the self and the world around.

And Psalm of Life captures this vividly:
Reference Courtesy: My DeaR friend

A PSALM OF LIFE

TELL me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream ! —
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real ! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal ;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way ;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle !
Be a hero in the strife !

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant !
Let the dead Past bury its dead !
Act,— act in the living Present !
Heart within, and God o'erhead !

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time ;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate ;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882)

@Regular

The tamil movie was called "NaanKadavul" (means "I am God"). A very dark and hard-hitting movie. But hats off to the veteran director Bala for his boldness and making us aware of the lesser known worlds - those of Begger Mafia & Saadhus who proclaim themselves as Gods. When you come out of the theatre, it takes a while to come to normalcy.

"Life of 25 people" seem to be the pattern of the books I picked up this week. Be it "Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish", which discribes the struggle and success of 25 Indian entrepreneurs OR "Lasting Leadership", which tells the story of 25 global business czars. Both are interesting and different from each other - Will post more about it next week once I complete them.

Brands and Contradictions

@Random

Warning: Lots of references to Indian advertisements

A couple of months back, there were giant billboards in Mumbai - the Mom pours a packet of potato wafers which transforms and lands as oil in the kid's bowl. The caption said 'potato chips contain 25% oil'. Recently, all those billboards were replaced with Marico ads of 'Saffola Zest' with the caption "It's baked, not fried". Hmm, smart ad with a smart product placement - don't you think so? Yes and No. 'Yes' because it targets and lands well in the minds of today's consumers who can't get away without junk food, but feeling guilty of eating so. 'No' because there is potential for confusion - I can hear a consumer asking 'All through my life I have seen and known Saffalo as a cooking oil brand. Suddenly one fine day, you come and say that oil is bad. Isn't your oil used for frying?' Can you see the contradiction?

But is contradiction new Indian consumers? Let's take the case of popular Indian Brand ambassadors. Yes, the King Khan - He endorses the ultra premium Tag Heuer, then poses for the premium Bel Monte suits, the next moment he says 'Tanda Tanda.. Cool Cool' or 'Hai handsome.. hai handsome..' for Emami personal care products and for the Linc pens (the list goes on). Ok, let's take another example - Amitabh Saab. First, he makes the woman in swimsuit ogle at him (read as his premium Reid and Taylor suits), next moment he's selling Dairy Milk in a college canteen (yes, Pappu Pass Hogya!). Hmm, seems like what B-Schools teach is different from the real world - brand ambassadors have a personality and it needs to match with that of the Brand personality. Aren't these multiple personalities portrayed by the ambassadors contradicting with each other? Wouldn't it cause confusion in the minds of the consumer?

It has NOT yet. We have seen and enjoyed the same above-mentioned characters singing & dancing for the diametrically opposite "Main hoon Don" and "Pan-banaras-wala" songs. We still relate to them as actors and not as brands. We are just fine with that.

Having said so, I thought I would try something completely non-sensical: What if we replace the supposedly positioned as 'class' products with the 'Mumbai mass' products. Here we go..

• There is a custom of eating Vada Paav in Mumbai. You hold it firmly with two hands symmetrically.. open the bread.. feel the rich aroma.. have a bite.. take a pinch of fried green chilli.. It ends as: You just don't eat a Vada Paav. You earn it! (Original: Cadbury premium dark chocolate)
• [Context: Advertisements for alcohols are banned in TV, so the marketers do a smart job of promoting the brand using related products like music CDs. Suppose Mumbai corporation decides to ban eating pan in public places (with the objective of making the city clean) and subsequently all ads on pan as well. Pan sales crashes like Sensex. So, our Pan-walas engage a leading ad agency to come up with an ad to promote the consumption of Pan. The marketers find that there is high correlation between people who eat pan and those who drink cutting chaai (half glass tea). So the ad goes as follows..] The common man of Mumbai is just sitting at home watching TV, without having pan. Suddenly, a thundering sound. People are dancing outside, chewing something in their mouth.. they seem to relish everything.. It ends with the caption: Life is calling. What are you waiting for?.. Banaras Cutting Chaai. (Original: Smirnoff Cassettes and CDs)
• A series of Mumbai Local Trains go one after the other with people hanging not just around the doors, but wherever there is a bar to hold in the chassis. It ends with Mumbai Locals, Desh ki Dhadkan. (and the driver applies the brake) Dhak Dhak.. (Original: Hero Honda)

Mumbai mass is always a class apart. May be you can't just use adapted ads. You need to be innovative, at the same time comprehensible, short and to-the-point. But contradictions are fine! After all, we are Indians! :)

@Regular

The 'Emosanal attyachar' song raised the expectations for the movie "Dev D". I would say the movie was a bit of a disappointment. Yes, it was eccentric and bold.. and its way of portrayal of modern day Devdas was unique. But I expected much more humor than just the brazenness and alcoholism.

The book I was reading last week carried the title "Business Games" - thought it was to do with Game theory. But it was a verbose self-development kinda book. It wasn't path-breaking, nevertheless some of the core concepts were interesting:

• Not just in business, we just keep playing games everywhere. Most of the games are played within a frame - frames are our thoughts or the meanings we make. The frame or the context decides how we play the game. So, you can choose what game to play or how to play. So, play positive, life enriching games
• Meta thinking - thinking about your thinking, feeling about your thinking, thinking about the feeling you have for your thoughts - i.e. recursive thinking
• 4 access to our power - Thoughts, Feelings, Speech, Action. Take responsibility for all these - by Observing, Owning, Accepting & Appreciating.

Adieu to Attachment

@Random

Do your duty to the best of your ability, O Arjuna ... abandoning attachment to the results, and remaining calm in both success and failure

One of the well-known and much debated teachings of Gita.  Today, the immediate response to this from people: This is idealistic, impractical and non-sense. How can one survive without attachments? There is attachment everywhere - Relationship, Work, Wealth & Self - Dialogues like 'I love my work since I am so thrilled at getting the results',  'I hate this work, but still do it since I have to get this big house',  'You know, I am so much attached to my wife that I can't stand anything bad happening to her'. 

So, it seems fair to conclude that a non-attached life is equivalent of death. Hmm, Not exactly! 

First, let's try to understand why the so called 'wise' sages are hell-bent on non-attachment: As much as Mr. Attachment gives joy & excitement, he is skilled at pushing one to the other side of the coin. For example, if you are so attached with your spouse, let's say - when he or she goes through a pain, you will go through it as well.  Analogy is that of a parasite attached to the tree - when the tree is cut, the parasite suffers as well. Or let's say, you are attached to the poor street children & have a very good intent of helping them - But the their current state of affairs is so deplorable that you just can't do anything other than crying with them.  

But it is also true that one can't live without attachment since life ceases to have meaning without attachment. Hmm.. unless, may be, we replace Mr. Attachment with someone else, who could keep us moving in life, still not get us to the mire of sorrowful states. 

Ladies & Gentlemen, let's welcome, the one and only, the star of the attitudes, the never losing, the ever enthusiastic, Mr. Commitment! 

I think that's what Gita tries to say in the first part as "Do the duty to your best" - I think we just need to start saying "Committed to my spouse", "Committed to the friendship", "Committed to the roles & responsibilities of my job", "Committed to my employees", "Committed to the street children", "Committed to the country", "Committed to the peace" etc

May be, not just saying, but being!

@Regular

Expected another 'Rock On' from  Farhan Akhtar - But 'Luck By Chance' was a disappointment. Yeah, I have this predilection for fast movies, but LBC is way too slow for anyone. But yeah, appreciate the honest effort from Zoya Akhtar. 

Oh, I should tell about this place called "Manee's" in Matunga, Mumbai. For the Authentic-Tamil-food-sicken-Mumbai, Manees is a bliss. You would get rice & sambhar served in banana leaf with all kootu, poriyal & aviyal. It's not even 25% of the best southie food you would get in Chennai. But still, we enjoy it.

Last time, when I went home, I picked up a random book on Business games - I was reminded of the game theory taught in B-Schools, which I, like most people, enjoyed learning. So, started off with that book which explains them in the context of NLP.